tfln

1. considering I just took 3 shots of firewhiskey I don't think I'm going to make good decisions tonight.

2. you woke me up just to tell me that i was beautiful in every way possible. then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob

3. I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.

4. I told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself

5. [Text her.]